I'm a weirdo

I'm a weirdo.

I'm responsible, fiercely loyal and insanely fearless about losing face and doing the stupidest things just cuz I'm friends with you (Like sit on a roller coaster with my eyes closed and my knuckles white from all the clenching and my tummy churning with fear). And yet, I'm insecure and hopelessly dependent on JW and affirmation from everybody else.

Life has been pretty smooth-sailing for me, with nary a major hiccup. Well, at least not big enough a hiccup to ruin my life, which is blessed. I hope to give such a life to my children (if any), but am worried that they will grow up spoiled, pampered and worst of all, PROUD and INSENSITIVE. I like to think that though I'm spoiled and pampered, at least I have the restraint to have a bit of humility in me.

I figured the reason why I'm still in a relationship after 6 years, why I'm fiercely loyal to Hall 9, why I'm hopelessly crazy over my work during internship (who cares about the late hours?) and even why I'm considering going back to SHF is cuz these are areas where I get affirmation, where I feel needed, wanted even, where I feel the need to be loyal. That's why I get so affected with the things happening in hall and with any slight snubs from people I thought who "liked" me.

I'm such a dog. I don't look forward to big changes; just a pat on the head, a bone maybe... and I'll stick to you like glue and stubbornly wag my tail and never leave.

Dammit. I hate being the bloody sucker I am.